I HAVE ADDED A PICTURE FOR THE DEFAULT SO THAT HER PICTURE IS IN THE PHYSICAL MAGAZINE. IT IS ALSO PLACED IN THE UPLOADS. HER TTILE TO GO ALONG WITH THE PICTURE IS: CEO of Rebels By Ocean
Choreographer, host and fitness enthusiast
I wanted to get the insights on the truth behind balancing a career while being in a committed relationship. Sure people do it all the time, but I am sure that it isn’t the easiest thing to balance. I took the time to ask a young Entrepreneur, Oceana Porter , a few questions to see if she what she experiences first hand.
Q. Tell me, what is the hardest thing about focusing on your career and still having to be a great significant other?
A.TIME! It is never on your side. You always want to try to find balance and give attention to whatever it is you are doing, but the issue becomes something is either forgotten or now they are intertwined and your energy is being pulled in multiple directions. For instance, I enjoy spending time with my love but sometime I can’t fully give him my attention in that with him because there may be a conference call, a homework assignment, webpage i need to add, a new flyer for Rebels by Ocean or issue I had that day and I need a solution before the day is out. I don’t always get to just lay under him, be still, watch a movie and give him my complete attention. But the opportunity I am able to give him, it is bliss and we both appreciate it. However, we do fall asleep on the phone, text throughout the day, call during our free moments, video chat, and study together until we are able to get those peaceful moments. Relationships take a lot of nurturing, love and trust to grow. Those moments allow that development and the bond in that relationship to grow, that is why I’m just grateful when I can give my relationship that time and attention.
Q. Do you think that most people come to a point where they feel as if they have to choose? Have you ever felt that way? What did you decide to do?
A. I think it really depends on the person, because I have come to that crossroad before and felt like the relationship was holding me back. When I brought it to his attention, he told me that is not the answer to being successful and that I needed to find balance. He was correct! Me leaving a relationship wasn’t going to solve my problems but I needed to find balance and not become overwhelmed. Planning, organizng and pursuing are what I am in the process of integrating into my life permanently. I realized that nothing can get done if you don’t even know what needs to get done. Use your free time to jot down thoughts, journal when you can to free up negative mental space for the positive and give your deadlines to accomplish goals. At the end of the day, he is still here, supports me and gives me honest advice which I appreciate. I am not always receptive to it but I appreciate it lol
Q. In your opinion, does it make the situation different if you meet your lover in the beginning of your life pursuits or while it’s already in the works? Does the decision to make it work somehow depend on that?
A. I believe when you meet someone at the beginning stages, it’s great because they get to witness the growth, adjust as you climb up the ladder together and have that trust in one another because you both have been there for each other from day one. However, pursuing love while you are at the height can be tricky but not impossible. You are worried about loyalty, the motives behind this person wanting to date you and some men who cannot deal with your success, but that is okay. Those concerns are normal but don’t treat every man you date as an opportunist.
Neither one of these circumstances should dictate whether or not you make a relationship work. You could be in a destructive relationship for years while your building momentum and realize when you reach a situation point that it needs to be dissolved. Or you could be in a relationship for two months at the height or your career and wonder where was he your entire life. It all depends on relationship, whether you are receiving what you need, and where the future of the relationship. Just think about it, a person can come into your life and have better intentions than anyone else you have ever dated and same applies vice versa. Let the relationship dictate whether you should separate or stay together.
Q. How important is it that your partner supports you and what you’re trying to accomplish?
A. This right here is everything in a relationship, right next to monogamy and trust. I am the type of woman who is going to support you any way I can, whether it is studying, praying, coming to your graduation with a shirt that has your face on it, listening to your problems or doing a job search with you. I’m all in and when you give that much, you expect to receive the same in return. Especially in my career choices, I own a dance fitness company and host. I’m constantly making videos, re-strategizing, and booking events. My career choices are very public, so any man that is involved with me needs to understand that there will be other men looking, at times when I’m hosting I am the only female on the line up, and at the end of the day I want you to be there to support me. There are times when my personal life may have been hit hard and me being able to see you in a crowd will put me at ease or I’m emotional because my company isn’t going as perfect as I thought it was and I need your listening ear or advice. So for me support is a big deal, I don’t want to have to defend, debate or fight with you to believe in what I want to do with my life. I support you and you support me, that’s how a team works.
Q. If someone told you that they want to focus on building their brand, but still wants to be in love. What would you tell them?
A. Don’t go looking for it! The right person is going to come at the right time. He will understand your lifestyle, career goals, support you, appreciate you and love you for all that you are. The problem is when you are use to being successful and a spot caller, you take the same approach to love. But love is different, take your time, date and if you are looking for a husband not a boyfriend……keep your goodies to yourself.
Secondly, men are human and no you cannot make him into your dream guy. People come to you with their past, flaws and views of the world. It is not your job to try and mold them in to who you think they should be. Yes he will grow and change, but it is not up to you to speed the process up. Accept that he is who he is, and move on if he isn’t what you expected.
Lastly, you don’t have to babysit anyone. Often as woman, we feel the need to nurture, see potential and lower our standards because we feel like we will never find someone. Negative! You don’t have to pay for his studio time while he remains jobless, buy his equipmemt while he stays home chilling or buy a new wardrobe for his new job that he has been going to but wont tell you where it is. I am not saying don’t support him, but pace yourself and let him work for the things he wants. Men need to have their egos stroked and accomplishing goals is one way to do that. So go to his performance or that party to watch him d.j., but don’t think you are the one that has to make it happen for him. Keep your standards high and remember what’s meant to be, will be.
Q. What makes the balance easy to deal with?
A. Communication is key! Literally if you know each others needs you understand how to meet them, but if you leave one another in the dark the opportunity to rectify the situation is lost. You have be able to communicate to discuss what lies ahead for that week, when you can spend time with one another, and if there are anyways you can help each other with tasks for that week. Being able to have that open line of communication makes balance easier because you both acknowledge the importance of building your individual empires, while valuing the relationship you have with one another.
Q. Is there anything that I haven’t asked that you think is important to this matter?
A. PRAYER IS POWERFUL!!!! Those times you spend praying together are super special and important to the foundation of your relationship. I’m not telling you to force God on anyone, but find someone who shares those views on religion and wants that experience with you. I’m telling you, those moments in reverence with one another make a lifetime of difference and it isn’t just focused on the relationship. You both are having this open conversation with God, growing your relationship with God and allowing yourselves to be vulnerable in front of one another. I say if you have never done it, try it and see where the spirit takes your relationship.