Laundry*Cooking*Cleaning**Activities*Lack of sleep*Lack of adult conversation*Lack of free time
If any of these things sound familiar to you, you may be a mother and a single mother at that. I’ve come across many an article about parenthood but never any that talk about single motherhood and some of our real issues. Being a mother is the most important aspect of my life. With that being said let’s get to the real. The fact is as mothers our children are the light of our lives but it is no easy feat to raise a child by yourself!
As a single mother it is our duty to raise well adjusted children to the best of our abilities. Plenty of sites make it seem like being a single mother is a threat to the traditional patriarchal family. Let me make it clear I never as a child or young adult said you know what I think I am going to sign up to be a single mother. Most single mothers will tell you it is hard as hell and if it could be different we would change it. When your child is sick it’s just you, you learn to go without to be able to provide, every decision you make affects your child and you have to be cognitive of that fact.
Parenthood is not all Gerber daisies and rainbows there are many situations you have to take into account, like dating, relationships, influences. I couldn’t even begin to express how scary it is to have to think about introducing my son to another man other than his father, at almost eight years old he has never seen me in the company of another man in any capacity other than close family friends or relatives. How do you even begin to trust a man enough to bring him into the fold, how do you get past the hurt and pain of a past relationship, and what if a new relationship doesn’t work out. Loss is real for children and at the end of the day it is the mothers that have to keep it all together.
Even working can pose a problem at times, when you are unhappy with your career you may put change on hold because face it stability trumps a leap for some of us.
Everyone tells you babies start sleeping through the night not to far into infancy , yet mine didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was almost six years old and even then he still snuck his way into my bed.
You want to be a friend, no scratch that you can’t be a friend to your children because playing the role of mommy and daddy, you are the disciplinarian they depend on to give them structure. Personally, I think we can sometimes over compensate because we are playing dual roles, everyday is a new day bringing new challenges.
The guilt of not being able to have that family unit, is a hard pill to swallow. My poor little baby boy is just a lonely little guy who wishes his dad could be home with us and a house full of siblings, this makes me the bad guy but I’m used to it at this point.
Single parenthood sucks and is rewarding at the same time. I know, I know but the truth is you do all the work, your under appreciated at times, you take the blame for not keeping your family together and sometimes you can catch a whisper of I hate you every now and again after a punishment has been handed down.
This is my reality but on the flip side of the coin even though I often lack sleep, I wouldn’t trade playing a super hero for any amount of sleep, his sleeping face I kiss nearly ten times before I go to bed, his laughter and smiling face brings my heart pure joy. The moments when my little boy kisses me on my nose gives me life and when he asks me “whats wrong” and wraps his little arms around me the warmth I feel could never be duplicated or replaced.
So one day I will be in an audience and he will be thanking God and myself and it will have all been worth it.