You have to forgive me, it’s been a couple of months since I last wrote about ANYTHING at all. I have to be honest, we were a little preoccupied with a little something called a relationship (and by we, I mean my vagina and I) – consistency is nice, I must say. Anywho … I spend the first half of the year in a relationship with a good guy that I took a chance on. SPOILER ALERT: It didn’t workout – and that’s okay. There really isn’t much to say about it – Life brought someone into my life for a reason and took him out of my life for a reason.
Through everybreak-up or whatever relationship mess I’ve dealt with in my life, I always tend to walk away looking and feeling like that moment when your DVR decided NOT to record the last 10 mins of the season finale cliffhanger of your favorite show. This time though, it was different … Just after the relationship ended, for about a day or two, I had that moment. My best friend patiently sat on the phone with me, for about an hour, and just listened while I bawled my eyes out. I cried myself to sleep that night thinking of the things I did wrong in the relationship and why at 32 years old, I had failed as a woman and couldn’t even make ONE relationship work and then, at 7am, when I woke up for work, it happened: At some point during the night of trauma, I had gone to bed a broken woman and woke up feeling like I had channeled Oprah.
It was a beautiful moment for me; I wasn’t sad or hurt – I felt empowered. At 32 years old, I might not have mastered the art of dating, but I finally know what I want in my life and that is to be happy. At 32 years old, I am getting way “too old” to compromise my basic happiness for the sake of others (without being selfish, of course). At 32 years old, if I can’t stand up for myself, rest assured no one else will. At 32 years old, I found myself in a relationship in which after time I began to feel worthless and unhappy … and so I made a decision that I was scared to make – I walked away.
And while no one is ever perfect, I knew in my heart that I was never anything less than a good woman to this person. Unfortunately, I was never able to make them happy, but I’ll tell you what I was able to do, tell them to go f*** themselves for treating me as if I was a worthless piece of shit. I never used those exact words – I am a lady after-all and sometimes we just have to suppress that language and #keepitclassy, ladies.
“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us” – Emery Allen
Not long after the break-up I stumbled upon this quote and of course, it made perfectly good sense. Not everything is meant to be ever-lasting and this person walked into my life for a reason: to teach me that I DO love myself, enough to respect myself and to know that I am alive and breathing and a hell of a lot stronger than I give myself credit for and for that, I thank you and I wish you all the best.
Until next time …