Caution: The words that I am about to write are in no way meant to offend or get a rise out of those who might not agree with the opinions that I am about to express. As stated, this is merely my opinion based on MY own personal life experiences. I write to express my thoughts and feelings and in doing so, I hope that my words can touch those that share my same sentiments but haven’t found their own voice to express the same.
I have spent a huge chunk of my adult life searching for a boyfriend, a husband … “The One”, with nothing in return but a string of poor decisions, awful experiences, unwarranted heartache and emotional turmoil. I have no idea why or when I put it into my head that I NEEDED to be married by 25, with my first child by 28 and my last by 34 (insert record scratch here), but it has done NOTHING but stress me the F*** out. I have always referred to myself as a lost soul – always trying to find my way. My closest friends could probably tell you that it has been my mission to find a husband no. matter. what.
It didn’t make matters any better when everyone around me was either getting engaged, getting married or birthing some offspring: You haven’t seen crazy like Natalia circa 2012, let me tell you …And so, I started off 2014 with that “
New Year, New Me” mentality and I swore to the heavens that THIS would be MY YEAR of TRUE LOVE! I wished for it so hard that when I FINALLY attained it, I destroyed what otherwise would have maybe, quite possibly been a good, solid relationship. I’m not saying that I was 100% at fault, because – let’s be honest – I wasn’t, but for the sake of an argument, let’s just say I was somewhat at fault.
Anyway, I’ve digressed …** Here’s a little cliché: They say the grass is always greener ** I’m not really sure who “they” are, but I’m assuming it’s “those people” now bitter and living in regret for not choosing the path they REALLY wanted to take because they were too scared to do so. After wishing for a boyfriend for so long, I got it and guess what? The grass WAS greener after all … when I was single and living selfishly for me. With no regrets, I walked away from that mess and chose to pursue the dream I’ve been holding on the back burner for quite some time. For me, marriage? Kids?! FU*K that noise.I don’t know how I will feel in the next 6 to 12 months, but for now, I will say this: I have been around too many children and couples (married and not) and I have decided that I do NOT want or need a serious relationship in my life, much less children. I am NOT mentally ready to give up my habitual drinking in order to take care of a little nugget. I LOVE my nephews and niece more than myself, but I also love that I can give them back when shit gets real. Maybe I WANT to be that drunk Aunt that f*cks up Christmas– maybe I can just start 2015 with a cat.
Truth be told, a girls gotta eat and my NSA options? Not ready to give those up yet and yes, I just admitted that. Sorry, not sorry!
Douglas Adams said it best, “I may not have gone where I intended to go. But I think I have ended up where I needed to be” … and I’ll tell you where that is Dougie: Most certainly not in the hospital delivering a baby … wherever it is, rest assured there will selfishly be a drink in my hand.
Cheers to 2015!!!