Isn’t that what we really want? Think about when you and your beau started dating. Remember the butterflies in your stomach when he came around? Remember asking for advice on new ways to try to impress her? Pulling out the seats for her, opening her doors, the flowers, the little love notes, and blowing kisses over the phone? Remember dressing up in your best dress for the dates to ensure he knew for sure, you were the most beautiful girl in the world?
Ahh, the beautiful feeling of new love and the thrill of being courted!
And as time goes by in relationships, so does the feeling. Right?
Oh, NO! It shouldn’t be this way. Those feelings we first get when starting a new relationship should most definitely stay with us, and even get stronger and stronger each day, if we plan on spending our lives with our partner! Who wouldn’t like that!
Keeping that spark in relationships is key to maintaining a happy and fulfilling relationship, and maintaining a happy home life in marriage! Most think that when you simply find someone you feel happy with today, it will remain that way ‘just because’. Or “if its meant to be” as I hear people say a lot. This, honestly, isn’t how it works! If we want those feelings to last, we have to put in the work!
How do we do this? Well, one of the most important things I have learned in maintaining a happy relationship is this;
“Each person in the relationship has to put in 100% effort in maintaining the relationship!”
Its not 50/50, 70/30, nor is it 60/40! It is 100! Give your all in making the relationship amazing, without expecting anything in return! Don’t think, “well she should be…” or “he should have…” None of that! You do your best.
Give your all. And you will see how this will work out in your favor, and in keeping that spark in your relationship.
While doing some reading by Dale Carnegie, I found a questionnaire that was printed in 1933 in American Magazine in an article by Emmet Crozier. I found it very interesting, as it applies to maintaining happy and healthy relationships and marriages. It focuses on the husband and the wife each putting in work to keep the spark in their relationship! Divorce rates back then were much lower than they are now (for various reasons), but I believe that utilizing this questionnaire and being honest with ourselves will definitely help maintain that spark in our relationships, which is what we truly desire.
- Do you still ‘court’ your wife with an occasional gift of flowers, with remembrances of her birthday and wedding anniversary, or with some unexpected attention, some unlookedfor tenderness?
- Are you careful not to criticize her before others?
- Do you give her money to spend entirely as she chooses, above the householdexpenses?
- Do you make an effort to understand her varying feminine moods and help her throughperiods of fatigue, nerves, and irritability?
- Do you share at least half of your recreation hours with your wife?
- Do you tactfully refrain from comparing your wife’s cooking or housekeeping with that ofyour mother or Bill Jones’ wife, except to her advantage?
- Do you take a definite interest in her intellectual life, her clubs, and societies, the booksshe reads, her views on civic problems?
- Can you let her dance with and receive friendly attentions from other men without makingjealous remarks?
- Do you keep alert for opportunities to praise her and express your admiration for her?
- Do you thank her for little jobs she does for you, such as sewing on a button, darning
your socks, and sending your clothes to the cleaners?
- Do you give your husband complete freedom in his business affairs, and do you refrain from criticizing his associates, his choice of secretary, or the hours he keeps?
- Do you try your best to keep your home interesting and attractive?
- Do you vary the household menu so that he never quite knows what to expect when hesits down to the table?
- Do you have an intelligent grasp of your husband’s business so you can discuss it withhim helpfully?
- Can you meet financial reverses bravely, cheerfully, without criticizing your husband forhis mistakes or comparing him unfavourably with more successfull men?
- Do you make a special effort to get along with his mother and other relatives?
- Do you dress with an eye for your husband’s likes and dislikes in colour and style?
- Do you compromise little differences of opinion in the interest of harmony?
- Do you make an effort to learn games your husband likes, so you can share his leisurehours?
- Do you keep track of the day’s news, the new books, and new ideas, so you can hold your husband’s interest?
How did you make out of the questionnaire? Although some principles may seem old fashioned, try to use them. Don’t we want that old fashioned love where people actually stayed together?
Do the little things for your partner that you know he/she would appreciate. Step outside the box
and play trivial or board games meant for couples. Give your 100%, and that spark will remain, or be rekindled in your relationship!
Happy Loving! Josi Marie