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He’s perfect, he makes the right amount of money, talks to you all hours of the day and night, makes you feel like you are the only one.  There is only one problem – his wife.  Regardless to what he may tell you, his actions would prove that you are the side chick.  Although you may feel, that he may “love you completely” there are some tell – tale signs that you, much like his wife, are a convenience.  Sister – girl, I will tell you some tell tale signs that may make you think twice about the “relationship” that you are in.


  1. He got with you while he was married.  I don’t care what you think.  Any man that does not know how to close one door without opening another one does not respect you or himself. Nor  does he respect the woman that he married. He will never take you seriously, or for the long term because just like he is being dishonest, you are as well.
  2. He still lives with his wife.  My dad said it best, “I don’t know any man that has tells his wife that he doesn’t want to be with her, but stays home and lives like they are still married”.  He has no intention of moving out – she has to physically put him out.Which probably means …
  3. You are a secret. As a side chick, expect that he will take you places that are secluded or to places that he knows that his wife does not frequent. He will not take you out with his friends, you are not going to see his momma, and you are not going to a public place like the mall.  Chances are, you both will be hanging out with your family and friends. Don’t expect to see any of his people on purpose.  Gabrielle Union is not Dwayne Wade’s side chick.  Why?  He is proud of the woman that he has on his arm, and freely tells the world about it. You and her are not in the same league – at all. 
  4. You feel like you are on borrowed time.  There are certain times of the day (or night) when he cannot speak to you.  The reason why is because he is around someone that he does not want to know about you.  Need I reiterate, you are a secret – because he is married?
  5. He has not made a valid commitment. He may tell you that you are his girlfriend.  Married men don’t have girlfriends.  He tells you that to keep you      quiet. Serious girlfriends go to family functions, maintain space in his wallet, and are forefront in his life. He will do things to show you his commitment, like get his own place.
  6. If she finds out about you, she may leave him and he may run to you, but eventually he will resent you because you are not her.  You are now a constellation prize.  He is with you because she no longer wants him, not because he has chosen to be with you.  You are not his first choice.  If you were, you would have never been in this position that you are in now.


Now that you know that you are a sideline piece, what are you prepared to do about it? You HAVE to know your worth.  If you are worth only being seen on Sundays, the day after Valentine’s Day, or the day before his birthday, then by all means, keep on doing what you are doing because he is not going to change.  The reality of the situation is that he deals with you to escape whatever reality he has at home.  You listen to everything that he says.  You cosign his foolishness.  Chances are that is wife will not.  You sit by the phone and wait for him to call, you are on his time.

The harsh reality is that you are not his future, you are his present.  .  He perceives you as having low self esteem, and low self respect.  Chances are you are there to stroke his ego.  He does not talk about you in the highest regard.  He tells you what he needs to tell you to keep you around. What you have allowed at this point is how things will be.

My suggestion?  Go out and work on you, and your issues.  Figure out why you feel that you don’t deserve someone that fully respects you enough to be honest about how he feels about you.  Look in the mirror and rethink the choices that you have made for you and your life up to this point.  Can you honestly say that you are happy?  There is someone out there that will love, respect, and cherish you for who you are.  If you do not love, respect, and cherish yourself, you are putting yourself on the clearance rack at T.J Maxx.  You have to believe that you deserve to be the front case window at Lord and Taylor.  Real love is shouted from the rooftops, not kept in a closet. Then take the steps to find the right person for you.  Think of it this way, when he and his wife are done, she gets alimony; when he is done with you; all you get is a broken heart.