I recently wrote my first article for the 2015 year, which went something along the lines of explaining why I will continue to be the same awesomely selfish me as opposed to succumbing to the whole “New Year New Me” idealist crap. I am not looking to retract any of my statements, as I do NOT ever regret anything that I write, but I feel that perhaps it was a very opinionated and biased piece. Therefore I’d like to rectify the way in which my own words might have made you perceive me.
So, let’s just put it out there: You and I have lived very different lives since I could remember:
I have always been selfish. I have absolutely no one to think about but myself. I have to wake up every day, make sure I make it to work (on time), collect my paycheck every week, pay my bills, save some money and make sure I have enough to go and party on the weekend or enough to plan my next vacation. That is my life.
YOU have always been selfless. Your life, consists of keeping a clean home, working, paying bills, tending to your husband, making sure things get done, running errands, cooking for your family, taking care of your children – making sure they are loved, safe, not hungry, clean, sheltered, bathed and you do this all before even taking care of your own needs. I don’t even think I’ve begun to scratch the surface of all the hard work and dedication you put forth.
I get it. I see it.
Through our many talks and fights and cries, I want you to know that I’ve embraced my life mainly because I have no other choice. I know you all want to see me settled down and married, but it’s just not in the cards for me. I can either lock myself up in a room and cry about it or I can take the higher road and make the most of the NOW … I think I’ll choose the latter. And so, that is me: I’m a single, childless, happy as can be, free, 32 year old woman. That is who I am … and that is the life I live: the life of a single, childless, happy as can be, free, 32 year old woman. I don’t want you to read that statement and think I’m insinuating that: married woman and mothers are miserable and confined, because that is far from the truth. I applaud you, as a mother and wife; however, I am aware that there is a freedom that comes with being in my situation and I’m going to enjoy it and gloat in it while I still can.
Not so long ago, I got to see up close what goes into a marriage and having kids and while it is obvious that not every situation is the same, it did reassure my reservations about getting hitched and popping out some mini me’s. I have yet to experience the beauty of what real unconditional love is: the love that knows no boundaries and tests your strengths and capabilities and your sanity and that more often than not, will wear your patience thin; the love that you feel in your heart when you come home and your little baby boys look at you, with their lit up eyes and a smile so warm and a laugh so genuine and innocent that it makes you forget all the hurt and sadness and trials that life, at times, throws at you. I hope to one day have that – but until that day, I need you to understand that THAT is not the life I’m choosing to live … for right now. But as selfish as I can be, I can also love (in my own weird way) the only way that a sister or a super cool, free-spirited Aunt can.
|Sweet Dee and Nat Da Brat 4 evaaaaaa!!!|